This Is My Paradise

A little while back I asked a friend with a new baby how maternity leave was going, and she told me that she couldn't wait to get back to work.  I understand that, especially with a newborn.  As sweet and wonderful as newborns are, taking care of one can often be either boring or maddening.  I would be lying if I said that at times last year I didn't wonder if I had made a huge mistake quitting my job before Ladybug was born to become a full-time stay-at-home-mommy.  I worried that I was losing my identity, losing who I was, and at times losing my mind due to lack of adult conversation.  I was afraid everything about me would change and be lost.

It's not for everyone, staying home.  It's not easy.  It's often thankless, and you don't get vacations or sick days.  There's no Employee of the Month.  There's no chance for promotion and advancement, except many by having more kids.  There's often hidden feelings of guilt for not "contributing" to the family.  I don't hold it against anyone who chooses and/or has to work out of the home.  Everyone has to do what is best for their family.

I have always - always known that I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom.   You can't really say that when you're younger though.  It's frowned upon in our society and makes you appear to not be goal oriented or even lazy.  SAHMs don't speak at Career Day in high school.  You can't major in being a SAHM in college.  I thank God that I fell in love with and married a man who had that growing up, wanted that for his children too, and is able to provide for us.  This is my dream job. It is the most difficult job that I have ever had.  It has forever changed who I am.  If you think about it, every experience in life changes you somehow.

I am not the same Adrienne who walked across the stage at Harvey Stadium in 1998 to accept my high school diploma, thank goodness.  Four and half years of college changed me.  I'm not the Adrienne who met Sheldon twelve years ago.  Falling in love and surviving almost ten years of a healthy, happy marriage have altered my life forever.  My first pregnancy and its loss changed me.  So, of course just being Ladybug's mom was going to redefine me.  Life, if lived, is constantly changing and altering who we are.

Somewhere along the way, the doubts that what I was doing was wrong have slowly disappeared.  I may still worry that I'm doing things wrong, but I am more confident in my skin as a SAHM.  I am comfortable with who I am.  I am happy and content.  I don't want my old life from even two years ago.  Maybe it's because Ladybug is growing up to be a very sweet, intelligent, interesting, and funny person.  Maybe it's because I've grown accustomed to no longer being part of the workforce.  It's most likely both.  The payoff has come at times like when I was the person Ladybug walked her first steps to. I'm the first person she even smiled at.  I heard her first giggles.  I have missed nothing and influenced her in everything.

Most people will take a look at the Vine below and think how chaotic it must be to try vacuuming with two dogs barking at and chasing the vacuum while a toddler runs around in circles, squealing and wanting to be chased by the vacuum.  I look at it and thank God for my healthy, crazy family.  I love that video.  I love what it represents.  Ladybug hasn't felt well the past few days due to teething, and I have missed that silly run and those squeals.  I have to remind myself that I'm not staying at home to please the world, but  in order to be the best steward of that which God has blessed me.  I think of Anne Shirley telling Gilbert Blythe, "I don't want sunbursts and marble halls. I just want YOU."  I don't need worldly accolades.  Just give me Sheldon, Ladybug, Lucy, and Dory - maybe some day a little Bee to go with the Ladybug.  This is my paradise, chaos and all.

I Saw the Sign

The other morning Ladybug and I were driving around Fayetteville, running errands and visiting the Farmers Market on the square when an old song that was very popular when I was in the eighth and ninth grades came on the radio.  It was a song with a heavy bass beat, which Ladybug always loves.  Like riding a bike, I remembered most of the lyrics to this song I once sang with my friends ad nauseam.  The song was Ace of Base's "The Sign."  I'm learning to re-embrace the songs I once loved then grew to be ashamed of once I developed a more refined taste in music, because they're the type of songs that Ladybug loves to ahem... get jiggy wit.

I find it hilarious that particular song entered my life once again the same week I have been seeing various different signs.  These signs I have been seeing are signs that I didn't want to see but knew would appear at some point.  They were the signs that Ladybug was soon going to start cutting her cuspids. So today when the inevitable happened, Ladybug awoke crying and upset, I wasn't caught off guard.  It only took cutting all eight incisors and her four one-year molars for me to really learn all of the signs.   Sometimes they vary.  Sometimes not every sign happens.  Most of the time it happens a certain way though. All kids are different, but I'm going to list the signs in the order they appear with Ladybug for my own future reference as well as anyone else's.

• Body/ Facial Rash - Ladybug's body will often break out into a rash, not unlike a heat rash.  It usually starts on her back or belly.  A few times the side of her face where she's cutting the tooth will also break out and turn red.
• Chewing - Suddenly she's chewing on anything she can get into her mouth.  She especially likes hard, cool things. 
• Loose poos - She doesn't quite have diarrhea, but her poo is pretty loose and mushy. 
• Clinginess / Separation Anxiety - She won't let me out of her sight.  Yesterday she hid behind my legs from her Daddy and didn't want him to even hold her much.  
• Excessive Drooling - Suddenly drool starts pouring out of her mouth like a waterfall.
• Runny / Stuffy nose - It starts out as a little snot, and on the days she's really hurting the snot drips constantly.
• Shorter naps - When Ladybug is feeling good, she'll nap for two or three or more hours in the afternoon.  When she's teething, her naps are lucky to last an hour.
• Difficulty going to bed at night - Ladybug likes to go to bed at night.  Come eight in the evening, she's ready for her bath, and at nine, she's ready to go upstairs, brush her teeth, read a book or two, and be put in bed for the night.  When she's teething she'll be restless and cry when she's put in bed.  She often has to be rocked until my ankles hurt.  All she wants is to be held, but not touched much (confusing, I know).
• Waking at night - She'll sometimes wake when her Tylenol or Motrin wears off.
• Decreased appetite - She'll refuse food and sometimes drink.  Thankfully this only lasts a day or so.  She does not dehydrate.  I often give her popsicles to tide her over until she feels like eating or drinking.
• Diaper Rash - The increase in saliva causes the worst diaper rash.
• Fever - She'll run a low-grade fever off and on for a day or two.  Sometimes, when she's cutting more than one tooth at a time, it stops being low-grade and can climb up to 102°.  I know pediatricians will tell you teething and fevers aren't related, but it's not a coincidence that she always gets a fever when teething and is fine once the tooth has cut.
• Lethargy - These are the days I don't push her to do much.  Today I made her a pallet on the floor so she could comfortably watch Mickey Mouse.

These signs and symptoms happen little by little over time then usually just cluster.  When they start appearing now, I make sure that we have plenty of saline drops and rinse to clean out her little nose, hopefully preventing an infection while she's more susceptible.  It's also good to make sure there's plenty of baby Tylenol and Motrin as well as teething tablets.  I keep baby Orajel just in case, but that usually just makes her angry. I throw teethers into the freezer and make sure we have popsicles.  Then, I try to sleep whenever I can because the process is exhausting for me as well as for her.  I never know when we'll have a sleepless night.  It only lasts a little while, but it's awful.  So, when I see the signs I make sure I'm prepared.  Thankfully we only have the cuspids and two-year molars left.

For the moms / grandmas out there, what have been your signs of teething?  What do you do to soothe your baby?

Breaking the Glass Slipper

The big news in the world of little girls lately has been that Merida from Brave was recently crowned the eleventh Disney Princess in a ceremony at Disney World.  She apparently received a makeover that makes the one Amelia Thermopolis got seem tame.  This sexy makeover in itself has stirred up quite a bit of controversy.  Apparently you have to be glamorous and have the measurements of Barbie in order to officially join the ranks of Snow White, Cinderella, Belle, and company.  Personally I'm thankful that Ladybug has yet to show much interest in all things princess.  I hope things remain that way too.

Why I'm The Evil Queen When It Comes To Princesses
Why do I hope she never gets interested in the princesses?  I guess the first, best answer is that the entire princess disposition just rubs me the wrong way.  I don't like it.  I don't like a sense of entitlement in any form, and the princess mentality is just that.  When I see little girls obsessed with being a princess, I think of young women in their early twenties acting like Elle Woods pre-Harvard, driving around in some expensive sports car with a license plate that states "Daddy's Princess."

Secondly, I watched my nieces both go through the princess phase.  Actually, is was more than a phase, it was an obsession.  That's was all they ate, drank, or thought about.  I understand that sometimes little boys wear their Superman capes day in and day out until they're tattered rags.  I understand when little girls want to do the same with tutus and dresses that swish when they twirl.  I also understand that it's our job to allow healthy imagination while still rooting them in reality.  I want Ladybug to know that she doesn't have to be a princess in order to be an awesome, extraordinary, talented, world-changing girl.  Somehow having to put a tiara on to prove it diminishes exactly how awesome and world-changing she already is.

Now, this entire Merida-makeover debacle seems to only reinforce everything wrong with what the princess craze is.  Not only should they not have to wear a tiara, but we shouldn't be telling our daughters that they have to have a certain body-type and hair in order to be considered pretty enough or beautiful.  I don't even want to get started with the original princesses and their entire "Someday my prince will come" and make everything all right thing.

Filling The Void Of Girl-Centered Characters???
This current fanaticism started in the late nineties when a former Nike executive went to work for Disney and decided to fill a void in girls' toys that I don't exactly recall being there.  OK, maybe in the nineties there were fewer toys and shows devoted to girls, but I know that in the eighties we had She-Ra, Jem and the Holograms, Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, Lady Jane from GI Joe, Arcee from Transformers, Laura Ingalls, Anne Shirley, Punky Brewster, and probably many other feminine heroes beyond Barbie that I can't recall.  Only She-Ra was a princess, and she wasn't even a hero as Princess Adora.

Finding Alternatives and Giving An Inch
I want Ladybug to want to be like ordinary girls who do extraordinary things without the tiara, at least in their imaginations.  That's why we read books like the Ladybug Girl series (of course) and we're looking into the Fancy Nancy series.  That's also why we read The Secret Garden over the winter and have started on my all-time favorite, Anne of Green Gables.

I have nothing against Ladybug watching the movies with the princesses in them, although I think the sequels are often a little lame.  I also might get her a set of Little People with the Disney Princesses some time, because she loves to play with her Little People.  I know that she will be and has been exposed to them.  I just don't want her to become consumed with all things princess, and I'm not going to promote it.  I want to hold off any feelings of not being good enough for as long as possible, because growing up is hard for a girl.  Society puts so much pressure on girls at an earlier and earlier age to have the perfect body type and attitude.  I don't want the very things that are supposed to make her feel good about herself to actually do the opposite.

So, do you do the whole princess thing at your house?  Why or why not?  Do you think it is good or bad for girls?  If you don't do the princess thing, what alternatives have you found?

In Retrospect: Random Thoughts From the Past Week

• If you promise the Ladybug if she's good you'll buy her a book at Barnes & Noble, she'll end up getting two books and a Pokey Little Puppy doll.
  
• Whichever car company has the commercial with the song from Tetris, I am annoyed.  This may have a direct result in my not buying from them in the future.  Maybe.  By the time I hope I have to buy a new car, I'll have hopefully finally gotten the song out of my head.
• Sheldon and I should stop going to Razorback Baseball games.  They always lose when we're there.
• The game was also disappointing for Ladybug as they only called the hogs once during the game.  She lives to call the hogs.
• I was all in the mood to read quotes about motherhood on a popular site today.  Then I noticed almost all of the quotes were from contemporary celebrities.  That's not where I look to for inspiration.  I was deeply disappointed and didn't read the post.
• Anyone who has lived in Northwest Arkansas for more than a year and is actually surprised when roads flood in Johnson during a storm needs to have their IQ checked.
• I'm learning that a toddler who wants to help can be a useful tool at times.
• I seriously hope I never have to give up eating funnel cakes at ball games.
• I finally got to try out my new camera lens this week.  I like it!
  
• You can look all over Northwest Arkansas to find a bookcase and end up buying one at a store not far from home.
• After two weeks of trying to get into the new Edward Rutherfurd book, Paris, I kind of am now. So far I've been really disappointed with this outing as compared to all of his others.  Rather than write his historical fiction chronologically, Paris skips back and forth.  It's confusing and so far, none of the characters are very likable.  It's definitely not his best work.
• I think that Sheldon and I should start putting more effort into making things special and important for Ladybug.  I'm not saying every thing or every day has to be special, but well... Let's just say I don't think that I should have the option of making out my own Mother's Day card anymore.
• I think we can all say Thank Goodness for Charles Ramsey.  He was right where he was supposed to be this week.

Lucy the Big Red Birth Control Device (Dog)

Often, I refer to someone other than Ladybug as my "first baby," and I'm not referring to the one that I lost to miscarriage three years ago.  No, my first baby came to me when she was six and a half weeks old, covered in red fur, had a white spot that we affectionately call her "snowflake" on the top of her head, and was very gassy.  Her name?  Lucy Snowflake!  She was not only our first baby, but she was our only baby for almost two entire years before we adopted Dory.  In that time period, we apparently raised her to have a bit of a queenly or spoiled rotten princess attitude.

We took her everywhere with us from visiting family and friends to vacation weekends on the White River.  I even took her to work one afternoon on Take Your Dog To Work Day.  She was pampered and babied like any dog belonging to a couple trying unsuccessfully to have kids.  I had a serious addiction to shopping at PetSmart and PetCo, so she had more toys than Ladybug has, including bandanas for every occasion.

Lucy and I are also very close and in sync with each other.  Before I even knew that I was pregnant the first time, Lucy sensed it and became very protective of me.  When my water broke in the wee sma's the morning of my scheduled c-section, Lucy first freaked out and had to me taken outside for a belly ache.  Then she stuck to me like glue as I readied to leave for the hospital.  When Ladybug and I came home from the hospital, she missed me and just wanted to cuddle.  So even though she loves Dory and Ladybug, there are times when I know that she misses being an "only child."  She misses it so much at times that she tries very hard to prevent us from making another baby.

At night once Ladybug is down for (hopefully) the evening, when Sheldon or I have come back downstairs from tucking in for the night, we'll often try to get a little time snuggling together on the couch. If one of us is already there, the other will join.  Until that moment, Lucy will usually be sleeping/ resting somewhere on the floor.  However, once she sees us get close to each other, she suddenly decides to be a lap dog.  All of a sudden she's like, "Mom and Dad are touching!  It's my duty to get between them and prevent further infestation!"

Her favorite position is when she can manage to sprawl out enough to be in both of our laps at the same time.  If we're together, she wants to get between us.  The Jaws of Life can't pry her off of us until we mention going to bed.  If you try to move her, she does her best impersonation of dead weight.  Then, she tries to race us to the bedroom so that we cannot possibly spend any time in there alone.  Not even a treat of cheese can get her to leave the bedroom once she's decided to be there for the night.  She hates when we close the door so she can't camp out in there.  The addition of a baby gate in the hallway between our bedroom and the living room has really put a damper of her blocking us as well.

God-willing, some day what Lucy dreads will come to pass, despite her best efforts to work as a big, furry prophylactic.  I'm sure when that happens, and we bring another bundle into our home, she'll rise to the occasion and be the loving, protective older sister to the new kid that she has been to Dory and Ladybug both.  Until then, we'll continue trying to evade Lucy, the Love Police.  It's only a little aggravating.  We love her enough to find it somewhat endearing.  It's a good thing we love her.  I'll just leave it at that.